By Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.
Are you plagued by constant worries, fears, and anxious thoughts, especially about things you can’t control? These tips can help calm your worried mind, ease anxiety, and end negative thinking.
Worries, doubts, and anxieties are a normal part of life. It’s natural to worry about an unpaid bill, an upcoming job interview, or a first date. But “normal” worry becomes excessive when it’s persistent and uncontrollable. You worry every day about “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios, you can’t get anxious thoughts out of your head, and it interferes with your daily life.
Constant worrying, negative thinking, and always expecting the worst can take a toll on your emotional and physical health. It can sap your emotional strength, leave you feeling restless and jumpy, cause insomnia, headaches, stomach problems, and muscle tension, and make it difficult to concentrate at work or school.
You may take your negative feelings out on the people closest to you, self-medicate with alcohol or drugs, or try to distract yourself by zoning out in front of screens. Chronic worrying can also be a major symptom of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), a common anxiety disorder that involves tension, nervousness, and a general feeling of unease that colors your whole life.
If you’re plagued by exaggerated worry and tension, there are steps you can take to turn off anxious thoughts. Chronic worrying is a mental habit that can be broken. You can train your brain to stay calm and look at life from a more balanced, less fearful perspective.
Tip 1: Create a daily “worry” period
It’s tough to be productive in your daily activities when anxiety and worry are dominating your thoughts and distracting you from work, school, or your home life. This is where the strategy of postponing worrying can help.
Telling yourself to stop worrying doesn’t work. In fact, trying to do so often makes your worries stronger and more persistent. This is because trying to “thought stop” forces you to pay extra attention to the very thought you want to avoid.
But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do to control worry. You just need a different approach. This is where the strategy of postponing worrying comes in. Rather than trying to stop or get rid of an anxious thought, give yourself permission to have it, but put off dwelling on it until later.
Create a “worry period.” Choose a set time and place for worrying. It should be the same every day (e.g. in the living room from 5:00 to 5:30 p.m.) and early enough that it won’t make you anxious right before bedtime. During your worry period, you’re allowed to worry about whatever’s on your mind. The rest of the day, however, is a worry-free zone.
Write down your worries. If an anxious thought or worry comes into your head during the day, make a brief note of it and then continue about your day. Remind yourself that you’ll have time to think about it later, so there’s no need to worry about it right now.
Tip 2: Challenge anxious thoughts
If you suffer from chronic anxiety and worry, chances are you look at the world in ways that make it seem more threatening than it really is. For example, you may overestimate the possibility that things will turn out badly, jump immediately to worst-case scenarios, or treat every anxious thought as if it were fact. You may also discredit your own ability to handle life’s problems, assuming you’ll fall apart at the first sign of trouble. These irrational, pessimistic attitudes are known as cognitive distortions.
Although cognitive distortions aren’t based on reality, they’re not easy to give up. Often, they’re part of a lifelong pattern of thinking that’s become so automatic you’re not even completely aware of it.
Cognitive distortions that add to worry, anxiety, and stress include:
• All-or-nothing thinking. Looking at things in black-or-white categories, with no middle ground. “If everything is not perfect, I’m a total failure.”
• Overgeneralization. Generalizing from a single negative experience, expecting it to hold true forever. “I didn’t get hired for the job. I’ll never get any job.”
• The mental filter. Focusing on the negatives while filtering out the positives. Noticing the one thing that went wrong, rather than all the things that went right. “I got the last question on the test wrong. I’m an idiot.”
• Diminishing the positive. Coming up with reasons why positive events don’t count. “I did well on the presentation, but that was just dumb luck.”
• Jumping to conclusions. Making negative interpretations without actual evidence. You act like a mind reader: “I can tell she secretly hates me.” Or a fortune teller: “I just know something terrible is going to happen.”
• Catastrophizing. Expecting the worst-case scenario to happen. “The pilot said we’re in for some turbulence. The plane’s going to crash!”
• Emotional reasoning. Believing that the way you feel reflects reality. “I feel like such a fool. Everyone must be laughing at me.”
• ‘Shoulds’ and ‘should-nots.’ Holding yourself to a strict list of what you should and shouldn’t do and beating yourself up if you break any of the rules. “I should never have tried starting a conversation with her. I’m such a moron.”
• Labeling. Criticizing yourself based on mistakes and perceived shortcomings. “I’m a failure; I’m boring; I deserve to be alone.”
• Personalization. Assuming responsibility for things that are outside your control. “It’s my fault my son got in an accident. I should have warned him to drive carefully in the rain.”
How to challenge these thoughts
In order to break these bad thinking habits and stop the worry and anxiety they bring, you need to retrain your brain. Once you identify the negative thoughts, instead of viewing them as facts, treat them as hypotheses you’re testing out. As you examine and challenge your worries and anxious thoughts, you’ll develop a more balanced perspective.
During your worry period, challenge your negative thoughts by asking yourself:
• What’s the evidence that the thought is true? That it’s not true?
• Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at the situation?
• What’s the probability that what I’m scared of will actually happen? If the probability is low, what are some more likely outcomes?
• Is the thought helpful? How will worrying about it help me and how will it hurt me?
• What would I say to a friend who had this worry?
Tip 3: Ask yourself if a worry is something you can control
If a worry pops into your head, start by asking yourself whether the problem is something you can actually solve or control.
• Is the problem something you’re currently facing, rather than an imaginary what-if?
• If the problem is an imaginary what-if, how likely is it to happen? Is your concern realistic?
• Can you do something about the problem or prepare for it, or is it out of your control?
• Productive, solvable worries are those you can take action on right away. For example, if you’re worried about your bills, you could call your creditors to see about flexible payment options.
• Unproductive, uncontrollable worries are those for which there is no corresponding action. “What if I get cancer someday?” or “What if my kid gets into an accident?”
• If the worry is in your control, start brainstorming. Make a list of all the possible solutions you can think of. Try not to get too hung up on finding the perfect solution to a worry. Focus on the things you have the power to change, rather than the circumstances or realities beyond your control.
• If the worry is NOT in your control, accept the uncertainty.
Tip 4: Interrupt the cycle of worry and anxious thoughts
If you worry excessively, it can seem like negative thoughts are running through your head on endless repeat. You may feel like you’re spiraling out of control, going crazy, or about to burn out under the weight of all this anxiety.
• Get up and get moving. Exercise is a natural and effective anti-anxiety treatment because it releases endorphins which relieve tension and stress, boost energy, and enhance your sense of well-being. Even more importantly, by really focusing on how your body feels as you move, you can interrupt the constant flow of worries running through your head.
• Meditate. Meditation works by switching your focus from worrying about the future or dwelling on the past to what’s happening right now. By being fully engaged in the present moment, you can interrupt the endless loop of negative thoughts and worries.
Tip 5: Talk about your worrying
It may seem like a simplistic solution, but talking face to face with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist, someone who will listen to you without judging, criticizing, or continually being distracted, is one of the most effective ways to calm your nervous system and diffuse anxiety. When your worries start spiraling, talking them over can make them seem far less threatening.
source: helpguide.org
